dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize