I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
