and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
