I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
