Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize