bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
