she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
