I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
