Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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