i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
