Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
