I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
