so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
