Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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