I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
