He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
