i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize