You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
