Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
pray to the hookup gods
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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