i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
