The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
