I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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