I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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