The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize