I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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