my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well you can't waste a boner
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
