BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize