The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
