I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
