ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is it penis luge time yet?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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