Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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