I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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