AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
