when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
