Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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