My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I believe in your delicious
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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