then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
