Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
