Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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