listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize