420 ftw
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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