did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
