the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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