wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
