You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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