My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
