sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
