she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
