T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
