Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
