At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
