just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
