the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
