Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
