I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
