I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
