a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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