How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
