we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
