NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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