I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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